We often don’t react to what is actually happening we react to our interpretations of what is occurring. The concept of stories is worth delving into for a moment. Most conflicts between long-term couples are driven by what is below the line. Below the line are the thoughts, feelings, fears, vulnerabilities and stories that each partner has associated with the topic at hand. Above the line is informational content, including who said or did what, whose job it is, how much money and how many hours. We conceptualize communication as happening on two levels: above the line and below the line. ![]() Lori: Improving communication is a bigger topic than 800 words can address, but we can provide a starting place. As functional medicine identifies and attends to the root cause of diseases, Functional Love creates sustainable change by addressing the whole system, not just the symptoms. ![]() The model we’ve developed for working with clients is called Functional Love. To change communication patterns, partners need solid awareness of what’s actually happening emotionally for each of them. Tension, bickering and arguing are usually symptoms of more significant issues. But the good news is that with a deeper understanding of what’s underneath the conflict, you can create successful change. ![]() Without broader insight, they’re like trying to save a sinking ship with a pail. When frequent conflict has become the norm, communication tools don’t work. These partners, despite trying their best, often feel like they’ve failed, and/or come to believe that professional help is useless. Lori and Jeff: It saddens us when couples seek professional help and the support they’re given is either inadequate or difficult to integrate.
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